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Easter.  A religional holiday that happens every year on a Sunday.  They choose the date seemingly at random.  I believe a dart board and the sacrifice of a goat are involved in choosing the date.  Whatev.  On this seemingly holy day, filled with chocolate covered marshmallows, chocolate rabbits, sugar coated marshmallows in the shape of bunnies and chicks, little tiny chocolate eggs, etc, we gather with our families to enjoy a hearty meal of cauliflower, potatoes, corn, and ham.  If like me you don’t like ham, well then it is probably a veg holiday for you as well.  You know, on Thanksgiving, we glorify the turkey, and then eat it for dinner.  Why don’t we have rabbit on Easter?  Yes, rabbit is very greasy, which is probably why, also a lot of people might not want to eat the cute fuzzy little bunny.

Every Easter is the same, everyone forgets that I don’t like ham (I am not to fond of pork either).  It is kind of funny, as I have never liked ham and it is one of few foods that I don’t care for.  Other foods I do not like include canned asparagus (I have never had fresh, so I won’t bash it), grapefruit (I just don’t like sour), and those fake packages of pre-hydrated “instant” mashed potatoes (I don’t think there is any potato in them).

I have found that every year, people try to get me to re-try the things that I don’t like.  I am unsure as to the point of this.  If I don’t like something, do you really think I am going to change my mind just because you want me to?  It is like religion.  People have different religions, but everyone universally hates it when someone of some other religion rings your doorbell at 8am on a Saturday trying to convert you.  I call shenanigans on the whole thing.

One of the perks of working for a Jesuit University is days like today.  It’s Good Friday, one of those crazy religional holidays.  And while I am definitely not a religious person, any day that we get off of work, is a good day (pun intended) in my book.  Of course we aren’t off any other religional holidays, except for Christmas of course, but everyone is off for Christmas.  They should come up with a few more religional holidays, I could really use one in February, that month always seems to take forever.  June, August, and September would also be good months for additional religional holidays.  Maybe we should sign a petition and send it to the pope.  Do you think 4 or 5 signatures would be enough?

Studio: We now go live to our reporter on the scene, Josh how does it look out there?

Josh: Yes thats right, Josh, we are here in the greater St. Louis metro area where researchers believe they have uncovered not just proof, but confirmation of the existence of Ice-Car.

Studio: Josh, are you saying this is the legendary Ice-Car? The car that we all were told about as children?

Josh: Yes, Josh, here is famed researcher, Franco Americano, who you will remember was the leading scientist on the discovery of the geyser that shoots nothing but spaghetti-ohs. Dr. Americano, is this the fabled Ice-Car?

Dr. Americano: Our early tests indicated that this may indeed be Ice-Car.

Josh: How do we know that this isn’t just another prank of someone trying to get famous by dumping snow on his car?

Dr. Americano: That’s just not possible, the sheer amount of snow and ice would crush a normal car.

Josh: Interesting, doctor, what our your next steps?

Dr. Americano: Well, there is clearly some snow covering Ice-Car, we are going to attempt to remove some of it, and try to get a better idea of the actual size of Ice-Car. But first, I’m going back to my trailer to warm up, my meatballs are freezing.

Josh: LOL, To recap, Josh, this could be world renown, Ice-Car. We will keep you posted. This is Josh, reporting live from here. Josh back to you.

Studio: Wow, thats interesting stuff. That was Josh reporting to us live from where he is. When we come back more on Ice-Car

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5 Minutes of really crappy commercials

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Studio: Welcome back, we have been reporting to you about the recent find of the legendary Ice-Car. We once again go live to super-reporter already on the scene, Josh. Josh, can you catch us up?

Josh: Thanks Josh. Just moments ago we learned that scientists have found what they believe to be the fabled Ice-Car. Here is the lead of the excavation team, Chef Boyardee. Chef, what can you tell me.

Chef: Ah, I speaka no Englisha. Would you like some ravioli?

Translator: He says he doesn’t speak English, and wants to know if you want some ravioli.

Josh: Oh yes, some ravioli would be nice. What cat he tell us about the actual dig?

Translator to Chef: Whato can you-o tell0 us abouto this digo?

Chef: Yeso, we have managedo to removeo about half of the snow coveringo the Ice-Car. Oh.

Translator: He says that the ravioli will be here shortly.

Josh: Um. Okay, back to you Josh.

Studio: That was Josh reporting live from the scene of the uncovering of Ice-Car. Wow, other anchor person also named Josh, its very interesting don’t you think?

Other anchor person also named Josh: Yes it really is. Why would they get the ravioli guy to excavate something of this level of importance?

Studio: Now now, he is maybe one of the most respected research excavators that also make pasta. In other news, its fucking cold outside. Well thats all we have time for today. We will continue to bring you breaking news throughout the day on the uncovering of Ice-Car.