joshkelahan.com

 So its that time of the year again when I like to have oatmeal for breakfast.  Its cold outside you know.  A nice warm breakfast is good right when you get to work.  I always eat breakfast after I get to work, it seems to help the day better than if I eat at home.  Here are some things I have learned so far this week:

• You should actually read the instructions on the back of the oatmeal canister.
•  If you want a banana with your oatmeal, you should wait until after you microwave your oatmeal, otherwise your banana will turn to slime.

Okay so Monday morning I come in, sit down at my actual desk, (I generally am not at my desk) and grab the canister to make my oatmeal.  The oatmeal canister has a nice little chart on the back so you don’t have to put in that much effort to make your breakfast.  So I glance at it slightly  (but didn’t actually read it).  The first thing on the list is 1.5 cups.  That must be the oatmeal I think to myself.  So I put in 1.5 cups of oatmeal.  Second thing on the list is .75 cups, that must be water.  So I take my concoction out to the front.  I don’t know why we don’t have a microwave in the back…maybe we should ask Santa for one.  Oh well.  So three minutes later I take what should have been oatmeal out of the microwave, but it is closer to the consistency of concrete.  WTF?  I had reversed the amounts that go into the bowl.  Its 1.5 cups water and .75 cups oatmeal.  I ended up putting the juice from a can of peaches in there, plus some water, but it never really made it to oatmeal consistency.

Today when I came in, I actually followed the directions.  And once I had the water and oatmeal in the bowl, in the proper proportions, I thought, hmmm….a banana would be good with this.  So I chopped up a banana, and tossed it in.  3 minutes later I had really runny oatmeal.  I couldn’t understand it at first, I put in the right amount of water.  Where did all of this runnyness come from?  So I went for a banana chunk, and as I picked it up with some of the surrounding oatmeal it melted!  So every time I take a bite of this, the consistency in my mouth is something like: oaty, oaty, oaty, slime, oaty, oaty, slime.

It’s only Tuesday, I’m a little afraid to what the rest of the week will bring.